go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
