I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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