Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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