In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
