My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
