This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
