You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's the barista slut.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
