We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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