You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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