just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
