Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
