shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I could have mohawked her pubes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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