I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
