This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
