Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
