He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
