do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it glows. i had to have it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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