just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
