I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
