mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
