no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
