Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
