i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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