Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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