i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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