Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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