thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
honey bunches of taint.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
