She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
