tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
