This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
