I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
