i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
