worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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