And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
