How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
