I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
