Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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