3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
