Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
