Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
