Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
