i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
