I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
