girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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