I'm laying in your front yard are you home
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
