Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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