oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
