i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
