Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
