remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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