we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
