i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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